Cows on Bikes

Excerpted from my personal journal…..

As soon as I stepped off the porch of the Dew Drop Inn, the local bed and breakfast as well as a well-renowned watering hole, I felt what I can only describe as a Twilight Zone moment. What my eyes saw did not fit with my view of normal, not in any way, shape, or form. Weaving erratically along the yellow center line of the street was a huge bicycle built for two piloted by a pair of the cutest cows I have ever seen. The bovine pedal pushers were gaily dressed in brightly colored floral dresses and atop their heads perched lavender top hats with long stemmed red roses stuck in the hat bands. Their feet were shod in calf-high black boots with stacked heels, seemingly intended to prevent slipping off the pedals. Loud music played from boom box riding in the basket attached to the front handlebars. What tune was being played you ask? Why, of course, it was a scratchy vintage version of “A Bicycle Built for Two.” As incredible as this may seem, the street soon filled with cows on bicycles waving and gaily singing as they rolled up and down the street.

I am not a drinking man, per se, but I do like a bit of wine or a beer from time to time. Last night at dinner, I had the opportunity to taste test several of the local vintner’s offerings as well as some very nice craft beers from the brewery in the next town over. No, I don’t think the sights in the street were a result of over-imbibing, no, not at all. I slowly turned around to see if anyone else noticed the strange procession in the street. The young couple across the street laughed and waved at the cows on bikes as they passed. The traffic cop at the corner gracefully bowed and swept his hand sideways to allow several heifers to make the turn onto a side street. All in all, the local residents appeared to take all this in without indicating that anything was out the ordinary.

My arrival in town the night before had been after dark so I wasn’t able to see the town in any detail until now. Down at the far end of the street, a banner was stretched from one side to the other announcing a convention being held here. The start date was today. The International Association of Dairy Cows was putting on the meeting. Did I mention that the town was located out in the country with large dairy farms spotting the countryside? I was amazed that there weren’t more people in town for the convention and I was also surprised that the Inn where I was staying wasn’t packed.

As I stood there gawking at the goings on in the street, I noticed a flyer for the convention posted on the lamp post near me. The announcement said that this year they were departing from tradition and would allow the cows to fully participate in all aspects of the meeting. Housing for the cattle would be provided by the local ranchers. The key note speaker was to be Miss Daisy Mae Guernsey who would speak on the current Mad Cow Disease Foundation’s efforts in the area. Entertainment was slated to be provided by The Laughing Cow Quartet and Udderly Ridiculous, a stand-up comedy routine. Sounds like a fine time will be had by all. What a very moo-ving experience!

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